How I Finally Talked to My Parents About Mental Health

It took me 5 years from when I was first diagnosed with anxiety and depression to actually tell my parents about it. Five years of therapy, medication, and struggling in silence because I was terrified to have that conversation.

Looking back, I wish I'd done it sooner. But I also understand why it was so hard.

Why I Waited So Long

There were so many reasons I avoided this conversation:

Fear of Not Being Taken Seriously

My parents are from a generation that doesn't really "believe" in mental health issues. They think depression means you're just sad and you should get over it. Anxiety? Just stop worrying so much!

I was scared they'd dismiss my struggles as me being dramatic.

Not Wanting to Burden Them

My parents had their own problems. Money stress, health issues, work stuff. I didn't want to add to their worries.

Shame

There was this voice in my head saying "if you were stronger you wouldn't need therapy" or "other people have it worse, why are you complaining?"

I felt embarassed about needing professional help.

Cultural Barriers

In my family's culture, mental health isn't something you talk about. You just deal with your problems privately. Admitting you need help feels like admitting weakness.

Fear of Changing Our Relationship

What if they looked at me differently after knowing? What if they started treating me like I was fragile? What if they blamed themselves?

What Finally Made Me Do It

The turning point came when I had a really bad depressive episode. I was barely functioning, missing work, not leaving my apartment. My mom called and I had to make up excuses for why I sounded so off.

After that call, I realized: they're going to notice something's wrong eventually. I'd rather they hear it from me than make assumptions.

Also my therapist pointed out that I was putting so much energy into hiding my mental health struggles from them that it was making everything worse.

How I Prepared

I didn't just spring it on them randomly. I planned it out:

Educated Myself First

I made sure I could explain my diagnoses in clear terms. Not medical jargon, but simple language about what anxiety and depression actually are.

Decided What I Wanted From The Conversation

Did I want advice? Support? Just for them to know? I figured out my goals before going in.

Picked The Right Time

Not during a holiday, not when other stressful stuff was happening. Just a regular dinner when we'd have time to really talk.

Had Resources Ready

I bookmarked some articles about mental health that I thought might help them understand. Stuff written for their generation, not gen Z.

The Actual Conversation

I'm not gonna lie, it was really hard. Here's how it went:

How I Started

I didn't ease into it. I just said: "I need to tell you something important about my health."

That got their attention fast.

What I Said

I explained:

Their Initial Reaction

My dad went quiet. My mom started crying. They asked questions like:

"Why didn't you tell us sooner?"

"Are you okay?"

"What can we do?"

"Did we do something wrong?"

I tried to answer honestly without getting defensive.

What Went Well

They were more supportive than I expected. Once the initial shock passed, they wanted to understand and help.

What Was Hard

My dad still made some comments like "but you have a good life, what do you have to be depressed about?" That stung, even though I know he didn't mean it badly.

My mom blamed herself at first, thinking she failed as a parent. That was painful to watch.

After The Conversation

The first talk wasn't the end of it. It was actually just the begining of an ongoing dialogue:

They Had More Questions Later

Over the next few weeks they'd bring it up and ask things they'd thought of since. I tried to be patient and keep explaining.

They Did Their Own Research

My mom read articles about depression. My dad talked to his friend who's a doctor about mental health. They were actually trying to understand.

Our Relationship Changed (Mostly for the Better)

They check in on me more now. Sometimes it's annoying ("did you take your medication today?") but I know it comes from a place of caring.

They Still Don't Fully Get It

My dad still sometimes says things like "just think positive!" or "try exercising more." It's frustrating but I remind myself that they're trying.

What I Learned

It's Okay to Set Boundaries

When they ask questions I'm not comfortable answering, I say "I'd rather not go into that." They've learned to respect that.

They Need Time Too

Just like it took me time to accept my mental health struggles, it takes them time to understand and adjust.

Perfect Understanding Isn't the Goal

They might never fully get what it's like to have anxiety or depression. But they can still be supportive without completely understanding.

It's an Ongoing Conversation

Mental health isn't a one-time talk. We keep discussing it as things change or new stuff comes up.

Tips for Having This Conversation

If you're thinking about telling your parents about mental health struggles:

Before The Talk

1. **Make sure you're ready** - Don't rush it if you're not emotionally prepared

2. **Choose the right time and place** - Private, calm setting with enough time

3. **Know what you want from them** - Support? Understanding? Just awareness?

4. **Prepare for different reactions** - Best case, worst case, realistic case

During The Talk

1. **Be clear and direct** - Don't dance around it

2. **Use "I" statements** - "I've been struggling with..." not "you made me..."

3. **Have resources ready** - Articles, websites, books that might help them understand

4. **Be patient with questions** - Even if they're ignorant or hurtful, they're trying

5. **Set boundaries** - You don't have to answer everything they ask

After The Talk

1. **Give them time to process** - They might need a few days to digest this

2. **Follow up** - Check in with them about how they're feeling

3. **Correct misconceptions gently** - If they say something wrong about mental health, explain

4. **Appreciate their efforts** - Even imperfect support is still support

What If It Goes Badly?

Not every parent reacts well. Some possible scenarios:

If They're Dismissive

"This is just a phase" or "you're being dramatic"

**Response:** "I understand this is hard to hear, but this is real for me. I need you to take it seriously."

If They Blame Themselves

"Where did we go wrong?"

**Response:** "This isn't about you. Mental illness isn't caused by bad parenting. It's a medical condition."

If They Get Angry

"How could you not tell us?"

**Response:** "I was scared. I'm telling you now because I trust you and I need support."

If They Refuse to Accept It

Sometimes parents just won't or can't understand. That's painful but it's not your fault.

In that case: build your support system elsewhere. Friends, therapy, support groups, other family members.

The Reality Check

Telling my parents about my mental health was one of the hardest conversations I've ever had. But I'm glad I did it.

Our relationship is stronger now because they know what I'm dealing with. And even though they don't always understand perfectly, they try. That's what matters.

One Year Later

It's been a year since I told them. Now:

Was it worth the scary conversation? Absolutely.

Your Turn

If you've been putting off telling your parents (or family) about your mental health, I get it. It's terrifying.

But carrying that secret is also exhausting. And you deserve to have people in your life who know what you're going through.

You don't have to do it today or tomorrow. But when you're ready, you're stronger than you think.

Have you talked to your parents about mental health? How did it go?