I Stopped Apologizing for Everything and People Started Respecting Me More

"Sorry, can I just squeeze by you?"

"Sorry, I have a question."

"Sorry for bothering you, but..."

"Sorry, sorry, so sorry."

I used to apologize for literally everything. For existing. For taking up space. For having needs or opinions.

I said sorry so much that people stopped taking me seriously. And honestly? I didn't take myself seriously either.

When I Realized I Had a Problem

My coworker pointed it out to me during a meeting. I'd just apologized for the third time in like 2 minutes - "sorry, can I add something?" and she pulled me aside after.

"Why do you apologize so much? You didn't do anything wrong."

I tried to defend it like "oh I'm just being polite" but she wasn't having it.

"You apologize for existing. And it makes people not take you as seriously as they should."

That hit different. Because she was right.

Counting My Sorries

I decided to count how many times I said sorry in one day. I thought maybe like 10-15?

I hit 47. FORTY SEVEN apologies in one single day.

For things like:

Most of them weren't even situations where an apology made sense. I was just reflexively saying sorry for taking up space in the world.

Why I Apologized for Everything

When I started thinking about it (and talked to my therapist), I realized there was alot going on:

People Pleasing

I was taught growing up that being "nice" and "agreeable" was the most important thing. And apologizing all the time felt like a way to keep the peace and make sure nobody was mad at me.

Low Self-Worth

Deep down I didn't think I deserved to take up space or have needs. Apologizing was a way of saying "I know I'm an inconvenience, please don't be mad."

Fear of Conflict

If I apologized first, maybe people wouldn't get upset with me. Maybe they'd be more forgiving. Maybe I could avoid confrontation.

Learned Behavior

My mom apologizes for everything too. I literally learned this pattern from watching her growing up. It's a whole generational thing.

What Excessive Apologizing Cost Me

I thought I was just being polite, but actually it was hurting me in alot of ways:

People Didn't Respect Me

When you constantly apologize, people start to see you as someone who doesn't respect themselves. And if you don't respect yourself, why should they?

I was passed over for opportunities at work because I seemed "unsure" and "not confident enough."

I Undermined Myself

Every time I started a sentence with "sorry but..." I was already positioning myself as wrong or less important before I even made my point.

I Attracted People Who Used Me

Constantly apologizing signals to certain people that you're easy to manipulate and push around. And yeah, I attracted alot of those people.

I Didn't Take Myself Seriously

How could I advocate for myself or set boundaries when I was literally apologizing for having needs?

The Experiment

After my coworker's comment, I decided to try something: stop apologizing unless I actually did something wrong.

Sounds simple right? It was SO HARD.

Week 1: The Awareness Phase

The first week I just tried to catch myself. Every time I said sorry, I'd stop and ask "did I actually do something wrong here?"

99% of the time, the answer was no.

I'd apologized for:

None of those things required an apology. But my default was to say sorry anyway.

Week 2: The Replacement Phase

Week two, I started replacing my unnecessary sorries with other phrases:

Instead of "sorry, can I ask a question?" → "I have a question"

Instead of "sorry to bother you" → "do you have a minute?"

Instead of "sorry but I disagree" → "I see it differently"

Instead of "sorry for complaining" → "I need to vent for a sec"

At first it felt SO RUDE. I felt like I was being aggressive or demanding. But I wasn't - I was just being normal.

Week 3-4: The Awkward Phase

This is when things got uncomfortable. People started noticing.

Some people would be like "wow you're really confident now" (which felt wierd because I was just... not apologizing constantly).

Some people seemed annoyed that I wasn't apologizing anymore. Especially people who were used to me being a pushover.

I had to fight the urge to go back to over-apologizing just to make everyone comfortable.

What Changed

After about two months of intentionally reducing my apologies, I started noticing real differences:

People Took Me More Seriously at Work

Once I stopped undermining myself with constant apologies, people started actually listening to my ideas.

I got promoted. My boss literally said in my review "you've really grown into a leadership presence."

All I did was stop saying sorry for having opinions.

I Set Better Boundaries

Without the reflexive apology, it was easier to set boundaries.

"I can't take that on right now" instead of "sorry I'm so bad at time management but I can't do this"

"That doesn't work for me" instead of "sorry to be difficult but..."

The boundaries landed better because I wasn't apologizing for having them.

My Relationships Improved

People who actually cared about me didn't want me constantly apologizing. It made interactions feel more balanced and healthy.

And the people who got annoyed that I wasn't apologizing constantly? Those relationships faded, and honestly good riddance.

I Respected Myself More

The biggest change was internal. I started seeing myself as someone whose presence matters. Whose needs are valid. Who deserves to take up space.

When You SHOULD Apologize

To be clear - I didn't stop apologizing completely. I just stopped apologizing when I didn't do anything wrong.

You should apologize when:

Real apologies are important and meaningful. But they lose their power when you're apologizing for everything constantly.

How to Stop Over-Apologizing

If you relate to this, here's what helped me:

Track Your Apologies

Count them for a day. You'll probably be shocked at how many unnecessary sorries you're throwing around.

Pause Before Apologizing

When you feel the urge to say sorry, pause and ask: "did I actually do something wrong?" If not, use a different phrase.

Have Replacement Phrases Ready

Sit With the Discomfort

It's gonna feel rude or aggressive at first. That's just old programming. You're not being mean - you're being normal.

Notice Who Gets Mad

Pay attention to who gets upset when you stop over-apologizing. Those are usually people who benefited from you being a pushover.

To Anyone Who Apologizes Too Much

You don't need to apologize for existing.

You don't need to apologize for having needs, opinions, or boundaries.

You don't need to apologize for taking up space in the world.

Your presence matters. Your needs are valid. Your voice deserves to be heard.

And when you stop apologizing for all of that, people will start respecting you more. But more importantly, you'll start respecting yourself.

Save your apologies for when they actually mean something. For when you genuinely need to make amends or take accountability.

The rest of the time? You're allowed to just... exist. Without saying sorry for it.