Making Friends as an Adult Is Weird - Here's What Finally Worked for Me

I moved to a new city when I was 28 for a job and didn't know anyone. Like literally nobody within 500 miles. And making friends as an adult is SO much harder than I thought it would be.

In college and high school you just end up friends with people because your around them all the time. But as an adult? You have to like actively try to make friends and its kind of awkward.

Why Its So Hard

After struggling with this for months, I figured out why adult friendship is different:

My Failed Attempts

At first I tried a bunch of stuff that didnt really work:

Meetup Groups (Meh)

I went to a few meetup events but they were all kind of superficial? Like we'd do the activity and then everyone would leave. Nobody was actually trying to make friends, just do the thing.

Plus alot of them were filled with people who clearly didn't want to be there.

Coworkers (Complicated)

I tried becoming friends with coworkers but that was weird because:

Dating Apps For Friends (Awkward)

Yeah apparently there are apps for making friends. I tried Bumble BFF and it was just... so awkward. Like you're basically dating but trying to be friends? It felt unnatural.

What Actually Worked

After like 6 months of struggling, I finally figured out some things that worked:

1. Regular Activities With Same People

Instead of one-off events, I joined things that met consistently:

Seeing the same people over and over is key. Thats how friendships develop naturally.

2. Be The One Who Invites

I stopped waiting for other people to suggest hanging out. I just started inviting people:

"Hey wanna grab coffee after the run this weekend?"

"Anyone interested in checking out that new restaurant?"

Like 80% of people said no or were busy. But some people said yes and those became my friends.

3. Follow Up After Meeting Someone

If I met someone cool, I'd actually follow up:

"Great meeting you today! Here's my number if you ever want to grab lunch."

Most people don't do this. But its the only way casual acquaintances become actual friends.

4. Host Small Gatherings

Once I had like 2-3 acquaintances, I'd invite them over:

This helped people in my life meet each other and created a friend group.

5. Lower My Expectations

I had to accept that adult friendships look different:

Thats just how it is with adult schedules.

The Conversation Part

Once I started meeting people, I had to actually turn them into friends. Here's what helped:

Skip Small Talk

When meeting someone, I'd ask more substantial questions:

These opened up better conversations than "how about this weather."

Find Common Ground

I'd look for shared interests or experiences:

That commonality gave us stuff to bond over.

Be Vulnerable (A Little)

I'd share stuff about myself:

"Moving here was really hard, I didn't know anyone"

"I'm kind of an introvert so this whole making friends thing is exhausting"

Being a bit vulnerable made others comfortable opening up too.

Follow Through

If someone mentioned something important to them:

"How did that job interview go?"

"Did you end up going to that concert?"

People remember when you actually listen and follow up.

My Friend Group Now

Its been 2 years and I have a solid group of friends now. We:

But it took TIME. Like over a year before it really felt like a friend group.

Lessons I Learned

Looking back, here's what I wish I knew from the start:

1. **It takes longer than you think** - Be patient

2. **You have to put yourself out there** - Repeatedly

3. **Rejection is normal** - Most people won't become friends

4. **Consistency matters** - Show up regularly to activities

5. **Be proactive** - Don't wait for others to reach out

6. **Quality over quantity** - A few good friends is enough

If Your Starting From Scratch

If your in a new city or situation and need to make friends:

Where To Meet People

How To Actually Become Friends

1. Show up consistently (can't emphasize this enough)

2. Talk to people beyond just the activity

3. Exchange contact info

4. Invite people to do stuff outside the group

5. Build from there

Timeline Expectations

This is just my experience but it gives you an idea.

The Reality Check

Making friends as an adult is genuinely hard and kind of awkward. If your struggling with this, your not alone or weird. Its a common experience.

But it IS possible. You just have to be patient and keep putting yourself out there even when it feels uncomfortable.

Final Thoughts

I'm glad I pushed through the initial awkwardness. Having friends in my city made such a huge difference in my quality of life. I'm happier, less lonely, and actually enjoy living here now.

If your in the same boat - struggling to make friends in a new place or situation - just keep trying. It sucks at first but it does get better.

How did you make friends as an adult? Any strategies that worked for you?