I Made Friends at Work and It Was Actually a Huge Mistake

Everyone says don't make friends at work. Keep it professional. Don't mix business and personal.

I thought that was stupid advice from people who were just antisocial. I was like "why can't I have friends everywhere?"

Turns out they were right. Making close friends at work absolutly backfired on me and I learned this lesson the hard way.

How It Started

I got hired at a new company and hit it off immediately with a few coworkers. We had alot in common, same sense of humor, similar interests.

We started hanging out outside of work. Game nights, brunch on weekends, texting constantly. They became some of my closest friends.

I thought I'd found my people. Work was fun because I got to spend it with my friends.

The Problems Started Small

Venting About Work Got Complicated

I couldn't vent about work frustrations anymore because my friends WERE work.

If I was annoyed with our boss or stressed about a project, I couldn't just complain freely because they were involved too. Or they'd take sides. Or it would get back to someone.

Office Politics Affected Our Friendships

When there were conflicts at work or people competing for the same promotion, it bled into our friend group.

Suddenly our happy hour hangouts had this weird tension because work drama was personal drama now.

I Couldn't Escape

Work stress followed me home. My social time was also work-people time. I never got a mental break from the office.

Even on weekends when we hung out, someone would bring up work stuff and suddenly we're basically at work again.

The Big Blow-Up

Then I got promoted. And one of my "friends" who'd also applied didn't get it.

Everything changed overnight.

She Stopped Talking to Me

My friend - who I'd been close with for 2 years - just iced me out. Wouldn't respond to texts, was cold at work, excluded me from group plans.

It hurt so much because she wasn't just a coworker I had tension with. She was my friend. Or atleast I thought she was.

The Friend Group Took Sides

Other people in our work friend group felt like they had to choose. Some sided with her, some stayed neutral, some stayed friends with me.

But it made everything awkward. Group hangs stopped happening. Work lunch was weird.

Work Became Miserable

I used to love coming to work. Now I dreaded it.

Every day I had to see my ex-friend who hated me. Navigate the awkward social dynamics. Pretend everything was fine in meetings.

I'd built my entire social life around work friendships and now that it imploded, I was alone and miserable both at work AND outside of work.

What I Realized Too Late

Workplace Relationships Aren't the Same as Real Friendships

We bonded over shared work experiences and proximity. But when the work situation changed, the friendship fell apart.

Real friendships survive life changes. Work friendships sometimes don't because they're built on a shared circumstance that can change.

Professional Boundaries Exist for a Reason

When you're too close with coworkers, it's hard to be objective. Hard to have difficult conversations. Hard to maintain professionalism when needed.

I couldn't give honest feedback to friends. I couldn't be real about workplace issues. The personal relationship got in the way of work stuff.

Your Social Life Shouldn't Depend on Your Job

I put all my eggs in the work friend basket. When that fell apart, I had nobody.

If I'd maintained friendships outside of work, losing work friends wouldn't have been socially devastating.

People Can Be Different at Work

The person you think you know at work might be different outside work contexts. And vice versa.

Some of my work friends turned out to be people I didn't actually like that much when work wasn't the glue holding us together.

How It Could've Been Different

Looking back, here's what I wish I'd done:

Keep Some Distance

Be friendly with coworkers. Get lunch sometimes. Be pleasant. But don't make them your ONLY friends or your closest friends.

Maintain boundaries between work relationships and personal friendships.

Have Friends Outside of Work

Invest in friendships that have nothing to do with your job. Hobbies, old friends, community groups - whatever.

Your social life shouldn't rise and fall with your employment.

Be Careful What You Share

Don't tell work friends everything. They're not your therapist or your diary.

Things you share can get back to people. Information can be used against you.

Watch Out for Competition

If you're in a field where you might compete for promotions, raises, opportunities - be extra careful about close work friendships.

Professional jealousy can kill personal relationships real quick.

Where I Am Now

I eventually left that job. The work environment was too toxic after everything fell apart.

At my new job, I'm friendly with coworkers. I'll grab lunch, chat, be pleasant. But I keep boundaries.

My close friends are people I met outside of work. People who aren't tied to my career or affected by my professional situations.

And honestly? It's so much healthier.

What I Learned

Work friends can be great. But they shouldn't be your ONLY friends. And there should always be some professional distance.

Save the deep vulnerability and total authenticity for friends who aren't also colleagues.

Because when work relationships go south (and they often do), you don't want to lose both your job satisfaction AND your social life.

My Advice

I'm not saying be cold to your coworkers. Being friendly at work makes life better.

But:

Those old people who said "don't make friends at work" weren't being antisocial. They were being realistic.

You can have pleasant, friendly relationships with coworkers without making them your entire social world.

Trust me. I learned the hard way.