Getting Your Family to Actually Talk at Dinner (Instead of Looking at Phones)

Okay so for the longest time, "family dinner" at my house meant five people sitting around a table all looking at their phones. My dad would be checking emails, my siblings would be texting, and my mom would be scrolling instagram.

We'd basically just sit there in silence eating food.

Why This Bothered Me

I didn't realize how much this sucked until I had dinner at my friend's house and his family actually TALKED to each other. Like had real conversations. It was kinda mind-blowing?

I went home and was like "why don't we do this?"

The First Attempt (Which Failed)

So I tried just asking everyone to put their phones away at dinner. That went over great (sarcasm).

My siblings thought I was being annoying, my dad said he needed his phone for work, and my mom just sort of agreed but kept checking hers anyway.

It lasted like two days before everyone went back to their phones.

What Actually Worked

After that failed attempt, I tried a different approach. Here's what actually made a difference:

1. Started a Question Jar

I found this idea online and thought it was kinda cheesy but whatever. I wrote a bunch of questions on pieces of paper and put them in a jar. Every dinner, someone picks one and we all answer it.

Questions like:

My siblings rolled their eyes at first but then they actually started participating. Turns out everyone likes talking about themselves lol.

2. Made it a "Phone Free Zone"

Instead of just asking people to not use their phones, we made it an actual rule. Everyone puts their phone in a basket when they sit down.

(We had to make an exception for my dad if he's on call for work, but otherwise no phones.)

3. Led By Example

I realized I was also on my phone sometimes at dinner. So I made sure I was fully present and actually engaged in conversations.

Asking follow up questions, sharing my own stories, making an effort.

The Changes I've Noticed

It took a few weeks but now family dinner is actually... nice? Like we talk about real stuff:

Questions That Work Best

Not all questions are created equal. Here are ones that get good conversations going:

Good Questions:

Questions That Usually Flop:

Dealing With Resistance

My siblings still complain sometimes. Here's how I handle it:

"This is stupid"

"I don't have anything interesting to share"

"Can I PLEASE check my phone really quick"

Usually they end up getting into the conversation once it starts.

Other Things That Help

Beyond the question jar, these things make dinner conversation easier:

The Results After 6 Months

Its been about half a year now and family dinner is genuinely something I look forward to. I know more about what's going on in everyone's lifes.

My relationship with my siblings is better because we actually talk to each other. My parents seem happier. And we have all these inside jokes now from different dinner conversations.

If You Want To Try This

Here's what I'd recommend if you want to start having better family dinners:

1. **Start small** - Maybe just one phone-free dinner per week

2. **Make it fun** - Don't make it feel like homework

3. **Get everyone involved** - Let people contribute questions to the jar

4. **Be patient** - It feels weird at first

5. **Keep at it** - It takes a few weeks to become a habit

Not Every Dinner Is Perfect

Some nights we still don't talk that much. Sometimes people are tired or in bad moods. Sometimes the conversation just doesn't flow.

And thats okay. The point isn't to have deep meaningful conversations every single night. Its just to be present with each other.

Why This Matters

I know it sounds cheesy but having regular family conversations has genuinely made us closer. We understand each other better. We support each other more.

And years from now when I look back on family dinners, I won't remember us all silently looking at our phones. I'll remember the conversations we had.

Does your family eat dinner together? What helps conversation flow?