Dating After a Long Term Relationship Is Wierd AF - Here's What Nobody Tells You

After being with my ex for 6 years, going back to dating felt like being dropped on another planet where I didn't speak the language.

Everyone kept telling me "oh you'll get back out there, it'll be fun!" Like it was just riding a bike.

It was not fun. And it was nothing like riding a bike. More like riding a bike except the bike is on fire and also you forgot how bikes work.

The Basics Felt Foreign

I genuinely didn't know how dating worked anymore.

The Apps Confused Me

Dating apps didn't exist (or weren't mainstream) when I started dating my ex. Now apparently that's how everyone meets?

I spent an embarrassing amount of time asking my friends what the "rules" were.

"Do I swipe right if I like them or left?"

"What do I put in my bio?"

"Is it weird to match with someone you kinda know?"

"What does this emoji mean??"

I felt like someone's confused dad trying to use technology.

I Didn't Know How to Flirt Anymore

When you're in a relationship for years, you stop flirting. You just exist comfortably together.

Now I had to remember how to be charming and interesting and playful? With strangers?

My first few dates I probably came across as either super awkward or like I was interviewing them for a job position.

The First Date Small Talk Was Awful

"So... what do you do?"

"Where are you from originally?"

"Do you have siblings?"

These conversations felt so surface-level and boring compared to the deep comfort I'd had with my ex.

I knew everything about my ex. Now I had to do the whole "get to know you" phase from scratch and honestly it was exhausting.

The Emotional Stuff Nobody Warned Me About

I Compared Everyone to My Ex

This is apparently super common but nobody told me it would be this bad.

Every person I went on a date with, my brain was like "well my ex was funnier" or "my ex understood me better" or "my ex and I had more chemistry."

It was impossible to give anyone a fair shot when I was constantly comparing them to someone I'd spent 6 years with.

I Had Trust Issues I Didn't Have Before

My ex and I didn't end because someone cheated or anything dramatic. We just grew apart.

But now I was paranoid about everything. "What if I invest time in someone and it ends up being a waste?" "What if they leave me too?"

I was guarded in a way I never was when I was younger.

I Didn't Know Who I Was Outside the Relationship

For 6 years, I'd been "we." Now I was just "me" and I didn't know who that was anymore.

What were MY hobbies? What did I like to do? Who was I as a single person?

Dating forced me to figure that out and it was uncomfortable.

I Felt Guilty

Even though the relationship was over, I felt guilty going on dates. Like I was cheating or betraying my ex.

Intellectually I knew that was ridiculous. But emotionally, being intimate (even just emotionally) with someone new felt wrong.

The Logistical Weirdness

I'd Forgotten How to Read Signals

Is she into me or just being friendly?

Is this a date or are we just hanging out?

Should I go for a kiss or is that too soon?

When you're in a relationship, you know exactly where you stand. Dating is all these ambiguous signals that I'd apparently forgotten how to interpret.

The Texting Games

My ex and I texted whenever we wanted. No games, no "wait 3 hours to respond so you don't seem desperate."

Now apparently there are rules? I'm supposed to strategically time my responses? Match their energy? What?

I just wanted to text like a normal person but everyone kept telling me I was doing it wrong.

Physical Intimacy Felt Weird

Being physical with someone new after years with one person felt so strange.

Everything was different - the way they kissed, touched, even just held hands. It wasn't bad, just... foreign.

And I felt awkward about it in a way I hadn't since I was literally a teenager.

What Made It Harder

Everyone Had Opinions

"You're dating too soon"

"You're waiting too long to date"

"Just have fun!"

"Don't do anything serious yet"

"You need to put yourself out there more"

Everyone had advice and alot of it contradicted each other.

My Friends Were All Partnered Up

Most of my friends were in relationships or married. They weren't really going out to meet people anymore.

So I felt like I was doing this alone, which sucked.

Dating Culture Had Changed

People ghosting is apparently normal now? Everyone's on like 5 different apps? People go on first dates with zero intention of actually connecting?

The whole culture felt more casual and transactional than I remembered.

What Eventually Helped

I Gave Myself Time

I tried to rush back into dating because everyone said I should. But I wasn't ready.

Once I gave myself permission to just be single for a while and figure out who I was, everything got easier.

I Stopped Comparing

I had to consciously stop the "my ex would have..." thoughts.

This person isn't my ex. That's the point. They're going to be different, and that's okay.

I Lowered My Expectations

Not in a cynical way, but in a realistic way. First dates are awkward. Getting to know someone takes time. Chemistry doesn't always happen immediately.

I stopped expecting every date to be "the one" and just let things unfold.

I Got Comfortable Being Uncomfortable

The awkwardness, the newness, the uncertainty - I had to accept that's just part of dating after a long relationship.

It doesn't mean something's wrong. It's just... the process.

I Figured Out Who I Was First

Before I could successfully date someone new, I needed to know who I was as an individual.

What do I want? What are my boundaries? What am I looking for?

Dating was way easier once I had answers to those questions.

What I Wish I'd Known

It's Okay to Be Rusty

You're not going to be smooth and confident right away. That's normal. Give yourself grace.

Don't Rush It

Just because your friends say you should date doesn't mean you're ready. Take your time.

The Comparison Phase Passes

Eventually you stop comparing everyone to your ex. But it takes time and conscious effort.

You'll Make Mistakes

You'll probably move too fast with someone or too slow. You'll misread signals. You'll be awkward. That's all part of it.

It Gets Easier

The first few dates after a long relationship are the hardest. Each one gets a little more natural.

Final Thoughts

Dating after a long term relationship is weird and uncomfortable and nothing like people make it sound.

It's not just "getting back out there." It's relearning everything, processing your past relationship while trying to be present for new ones, and figuring out who you even are as a single person.

Give yourself time. Be patient with the awkwardness. Don't force it.

And know that eventually, it does get easier. You find your rhythm again. You remember how to date. You stop comparing everyone to your ex.

It just takes time. And that's okay.