Why Phone Calls Give Me So Much Anxiety (And How I Finally Got Over It)

My phone would ring and I'd immediately feel my heart racing. Sweaty palms. Tight chest. Full panic mode.

Even when it was my mom calling. Even when I knew who it was and there was no reason to be scared.

I would literally let calls go to voicemail, listen to the voicemail, then text them back instead. For YEARS.

Phone anxiety is real and it was ruining my life.

How Bad It Got

I Almost Lost Job Opportunities

I missed callback interviews because I couldn't bring myself to answer unknown numbers.

One time a company called to offer me a job and I let it go to voicemail because I panicked. By the time I called back 3 hours later, they'd moved on to another candidate.

My Relationships Suffered

My grandma would get hurt that I never answered her calls. My friends stopped trying to call me because they knew I wouldn't pick up.

"Just call me" became my least favorite phrase in the world.

Even Ordering Food Was Hard

I would rather starve than call to order takeout. I only used apps where I could order online.

If a place only took phone orders? Not eating from there.

I Avoided Important Tasks

Calling to make doctor appointments, following up on bills, disputing charges - anything that required a phone call got pushed off indefinitely.

My life was being held back by my inability to make phone calls.

Why Phone Calls Gave Me Anxiety

In therapy, I figured out where this was coming from:

I Couldn't Prepare

With texts or emails, I could think about what to say, edit it, make sure it sounded right.

Phone calls are instant. I had to respond in real-time and I was terrified of saying the wrong thing or sounding stupid.

I Couldn't Read Body Language

Without seeing the person, I couldn't tell if they were annoyed, bored, mad, etc. I'd over-analyze every tone shift.

I Felt Trapped

Once I answered, I was locked into the conversation. I couldn't just not respond like with a text.

What if I didn't know what to say? What if there was an awkward silence? What if they wanted to talk longer than I was comfortable with?

Fear of Judgement

I was convinced I sounded weird on the phone. Too quiet, too loud, too awkward. I imagined people thinking I was strange or incompetent.

Previous Bad Experiences

I'd had some rough phone conversations in the past - breakups over the phone, difficult family calls, uncomfortable work situations.

My brain decided phone calls = potential trauma.

The Turning Point

My phone anxiety came to a head when I needed to call 911 for a neighbor having a medical emergency.

I froze. I literally couldn't make myself dial.

My roommate had to do it while I stood there panicking.

That's when I realized this wasn't just an inconvenience - it was actually dangerous. I needed to get over this.

What Actually Worked

Start With Absolute Baby Steps

My therapist had me start ridiculously small:

Week 1: Call a recorded information line (like the weather hotline) just to hear my own voice on a call

Week 2: Call a business and ask what time they close

Week 3: Call to make a reservation somewhere

Week 4: Call a friend who knew about my anxiety and would be patient

Each tiny exposure helped desensitize me a little bit.

Script It Out

For calls I had to make, I'd write a literal script.

"Hi, my name is ___, I'm calling about ___. Could you help me with ___?"

Having the words written down made it feel less overwhelming. Eventually I needed the scripts less and less.

Practice With Safe People

I had a few friends who knew about my phone anxiety. I'd practice calling them when I knew they were free.

Just casual 5-minute calls to get used to phone conversations without the pressure.

Reframe What I Was Scared Of

My therapist asked "what's the worst that could happen?"

Usually my fears were things like "I'll sound stupid" or "there will be an awkward pause."

And then she'd ask "okay, and if that happens... then what?"

Realizing that the "worst case scenario" wasn't actually that bad helped reduce the fear.

Use Coping Techniques During Calls

I learned to:

Tell People About My Anxiety

I started being upfront: "Hey, I have phone anxiety so if I seem nervous that's why."

Most people were super understanding. And knowing they knew took some of the pressure off.

Celebrate Small Wins

Every call I made, even tiny ones, I acknowledged as a success.

"I did it. It was hard but I did it."

Building up those positive associations helped.

What Changed

After about 6 months of actively working on this, phone calls went from "absolutely terrifying" to "mildly uncomfortable."

I Can Handle Important Calls Now

I can call for job interviews, handle customer service issues, make appointments - all the adult stuff I was avoiding.

My Relationships Improved

I actually answer when people call me now (most of the time lol). My grandma is thrilled.

Less Avoidance Overall

Weirdly, tackling phone anxiety helped me avoid things less in general. It built my confidence that I could do hard things.

I Still Don't Love Phone Calls

To be clear - I'm not suddenly a phone person. I still prefer texts. I still get a little anxious sometimes.

But I CAN do it now. And that's huge.

If You Have Phone Anxiety

You're not weird or broken. This is actually super common, especially in people who grew up with texting as the main communication method.

Start Small

Don't jump straight to making important calls. Work your way up with low-stakes practice.

Get Professional Help If You Need It

If the anxiety is really severe, therapy (especially exposure therapy) can help alot.

Be Patient With Yourself

This won't get fixed overnight. Progress is gradual and that's okay.

Remember Most People Aren't Judging You

Everyone's too worried about how they sound to be analyzing how you sound.

Final Thoughts

Phone anxiety is real and valid and also something you can work through.

It might always be a little uncomfortable. But it doesn't have to be paralyzing.

You can get to a place where phone calls are just a normal (if slightly annoying) part of life instead of this huge terrifying thing.

I did it. And if my anxious ass can answer the phone now, anyone can.